A tough week

I've been MIA for a couple of days.
I'm struggling to stay upbeat.
I'm finding it hard to smile.
It's been a rough week.

I need help, time, to be more patient, to see the good in things, to calm down.
Life is testing me and I feel that I'm failing.
It's been a rough week.

Losing hope, sleep, myself and loved ones.
The tears no longer help so I keep searching.
The search for answers, for a break, for good news, for anything at all is just a black hole.
It's been a rough week.

Let me be..
I'm breaking, hopeless and emptying quickly.
Let me be..
Miserable, unappreciative, weak and bitter.

...It's been a rough week...

Friendships as an adult

When you're an adult, you don't always think that friendships are necessary anymore because well.. you're an adult.  You're free to do as you please, come and go, whatever you want. 

But then you experience moments throughout your adult life, such as loss, grievance, new job, marriage, children, even a breakdown and you begin to realize how important those friendships we're back when.

I'll tell you one thing, making NEW friends as an adult, sucks!  You no longer just go with the flow, you're precise, picky and have a certain someone that'll click with your own personality.  Mom friends are ESPECIALLY hard to make and keep.

You look at profiles and think: 
Yeah! She seems down to earth.. not high maintenance, let's be friends.
Only.. she's thinks you're too low maintenance, you're not a coffee lover like her, or your kids are just too young.

I took our son to a place where he can see large vehicles, touch them and go play in them.  Most of the individuals that were there were moms with other moms.  There were a few families here and there but mostly it was moms.  
Do you have mom friends? Or dad friends? I'm curious as to how one meets and makes another parent-friend. 

We're all so diverse that sometimes it gets in the way.  

What are the secrets to making and keeping friendships as an adult?

And then it hit me...

As I'm laying in my king size bed, with one arm under one child and the other holding another child from falling off the bed, I started to get a bit "iffy" because I couldn't move.

And then... It hit me.

The one thing I've wanted to always feel in past relationships.. the one feeling that I couldn't really feel until I had my kids; to be needed.

Instead of getting upset or huffy and puffy that I can't move or get comfortable, I realized that I should be embracing this very moment.  This very exact moment where I am needed.  I remind myself daily that there are couples, women, men that would do anything for nights like these..

We (or at least I) sometimes forget what we've longed for in our pasts.  What we've searched endlessly for only to never find it.  This is what it means to view the glass half full, (half full doesn't seem too bad when you have little ones running around, right?).

I am needed day and night, literally.  We're a co-sleeping family, so mama bear duties don't stop just because it's night time.  Have I wanted a quick break from it all? Absolutely.  When I do get my break, would you like to guess what happens?  I end up missing my little monsters that make my heart oh so complete and get home as soon as I can.

It again..hit me.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

This mama bear is both grateful and blessed to have what she does, that's never forgotten.